yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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