Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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