rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
