i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
