WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
