I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
