what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
