Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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