saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
