Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well you can't waste a boner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
