she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
