I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
