I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize