she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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