Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize