stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
