just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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