let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
