the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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