A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
