erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
