8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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