I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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