I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
