Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
