She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
