Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
