I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize