FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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