i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
