you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
