I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
