i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
