I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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