whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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