I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
