listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think i have herpe
just one?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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