U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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