My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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