I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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