By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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