My sheets look like a crime scene.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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