We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize