Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
