Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
