since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
