she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the day after is always just damage control
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
