I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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