this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
