I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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