Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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