AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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