i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have post one night stand depression
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