Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
