Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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