i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
