I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
