he wants to bone in the snuggie
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who died my cat blue again?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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