So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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