I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
