i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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