using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
