no, he came in my armpit
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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