I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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