Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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