grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
