nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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