Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Found your dick twin last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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