when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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