Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
