I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
