then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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