the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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