it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize