Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
