bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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